Small town Iowa humor...

I pass through this small Iowa town almost every time I drive back to my home town. This is my favorite town info sign of all time...

OH NO!!!

Man oh man, santorum-lovin' Santorum bit it on election day. Listen to the concession speech here for just a few seconds. Its worth it to hear the impassioned plea of "OH NO!" from a distressed follower in the crowd and then try to imagine her miserable existence.



This photo inspired one of the most heartless and hilarious examples of "juvenile piling-on" from a bunch of "snotty" libertarians (I quote a pissed off reader). Go here and enjoy only if, like BEEz, you enjoy mean-spirited humor directed at children. Oh, and Wonkette is always good for a few laughs on a topic like this... And don't blame me, but farking has occurred.

More Gay Republicans? Oh please don't let it be Hastert...

While there is nothing that brings joy to my day than hearing about yet another Christian and/or Republican powerbroker plucked out of the closet, but Hastert? Yikes! Even the most liberal of straight guys may struggle with the mental image of two dudes going at it, but make one of those two dudes Denny Hastert...

It turns out that Hastert rooms with his openly-gay Chief of Staff Scott Palmer (Peter's brother?). Here is one take on this grizly scenario, and here is another.

Of course, not everyone is buying that Scott Palmer's taste in bedmates is so challenged

Remember... only users lose drugs

Where's my stash? This is real hometown news...

Many of you may have heard, or heard about, Terry Gross' interview of Gene Simmons on Fresh Aire. Unfortunately, spoil sport Simmons wouldn't sign the release, so it is not in the Fresh Aire archives. Luckily, someone saved it and posted it here (for now, but I saved a copy). It was almost as good as the Bill O'Reilly interview on the same show...

I found this cool site when trying to learn about "scrumpy and western" music (ala Island Monkey). It has all kinds of fun things, including a list of the worst album covers. I don't know why they put this one on the list...

Corrupt Cop Stories

I get these from the DRCNet...

The first one, a tawdry tale about an exotic dancer sleeping with a cop who arrests her husband who is arrested for drugs by the cop but then files a complaint with internal affairs and sues but is then put on trial in front of a judge who is also sleeping with the cop who is...

And how are NYC's finest winning the war on drugs? By robbing the dealers.

And finally, we all know that cops have the best dope...

No time for anything creative on the blog today (except this conjoined pic), but I do suggest you listen to this powerful editorial by one of the few intelligent voices on the news channels these days... (The WMA link is lower quality than the quicktime, but loads up much faster.) I found it to be dead on, and very reminiscent of Edward R. Murrow. Do take the time...

King of Pain

Check out our supreme commander taking a reporter to task about the Geneva Conventions. The follow up with Olbermann is pretty interesting too. Could Bush end up charged as a war criminal?

Well, the only thing worse King George Bush is Jesus Bush.

If you can plod through this report on Bush and the scary Dominionists, you will be frightened... as an aside, the author of the report is quite a good painter

Back from London town and found that my coworkers collected all of my work in to a big pile for my return, so I'm busy busy busy busy...

but here is a spot-on take by Keith Olbermann about Bush post 9/11

Also, if you haven't heard this actual ad about carbon dioxide done by a lobbying group for the oil industry, it is a real classic

and here is a follow up to that very ad that aired on the Al Franken Show

Oh, and one more, listen (if you can) to Speaker of the House and dipshit Dennis Hastert's fine rendering of our national anthem

CHEERIO HO HUMMERS (pardon)

I've been called to London to stand guard! My apologies for being so silent, but things have been getting in the way and now me and the missus are going to London for some R&R. If you are going to be in London, say so and I'll let you in. See you in bit...

Another take...

Been watching coverage of the troubles between Israel and Lebanon? Then you know that it is completely skewed towards Israel. None of our media or politicians can say anything remotely negative about the actions of Israel without being marginalized as anti-semites. Check out this interview of a British Member of Parliament on British TV ... then go to Island Monkey's blog for even more insights (both on the wars and other stuff).

Trying to figure out the complexities of any series of events that goes down in that area is tough enough (see Syriana to become more sure that your confusion exists by design), but when our media reports everything through the same filter, we are screwed...

Of course, with Bush and Condi involved, everything will get better. Having a president that, just before going into Iran, didn't know there are Sunnis and Shiites in the muslim world (and that they have a history of not getting along), we can all be sure everything is being handled well. How fucking embarrassing can it get... Here's what Bush and his cronies say to the common people of America and to the rest of the world:

Relax...

...I'm still around. My apologies to the small circle of dedicated Ho Hum visitors for not posting lately. I had a significant loss in my world recently and that killed my urge to be whimsical or political for the last month or so. I will get that urge back, so do tune in from time to time... In the mean time, here are some fun sites:

this site has classic psychadelic album art

this part of a blog has some really cool rare and obscure stuff (music, tv appearances, magazine art, and more) from 60s and other times... the whole blog is way cool

I found this groovy site when I was visiting the of Montreal website (a group I'm going to go see play in a few nights, but haven't really listened too much)

Can you see it?

See if you can make out this animated stereogram. Here is the original page for this graphic for a larger version, and here is a smaller version. If you need a hint, check out this page from the early days in my blog world...

Yo to the small world of Ho Hum regulars (and stragglers). I am dealing with bad health news on the family front and so the blog has been even further neglected lately. In the mean time, Pooter directed me to this libertarian dude's site that has some good info about the Court's recent assault on the Constitution, as well as a GW Bush Liberty Meter. I don't agree with him on many things, but I do on many others, and his blog seems sensible and informative.

I have a thick and chewy post nearly ready, but I can't do it justice right now...

All's well...

Oh, and by the way, the Welshman who I almost tussled with at George's tapped me on the shoulder on Tuesday and so I turned around and "bested his feckin jaw"... no, just having fun, he actually apologized for the "shaiting maitch" he had with me, and extended his short brawny arm, to which, I extended mine and said, "I apologize too." With that, we shook hands, he slapped me on the back, and that's that

Last Chance to Save the Net?

Please call your representative and tell them to vote "no" on the COPE telecommunications law if it doesn't include Rep. Ed Markey's Net Neutrality Amendment. Although this bill is probably full of all kinds of other evil, the legislation that will kill net neutrality has been tacked on to the bill (fancy that) and they will vote on it in the House today or tomorrow. Markey's ammendment would strip off the part that would screw the future of the net.

If you need a primer, check out this short film, and if that didn't convince, ask a Ninja...



Trust me, calling your Congressman is not the least bit intimidating. You end up talking to an intern who just passes on the info, no arguments and no stress. If you need the number(s) for your Representative, go here. If you are one of my Iowa City area cohorts, here are the numbers—it's best to call the Washington, D.C. office and then your local office:

Congressman James Leach
Phone: 202-225-6576
District Offices:
Iowa City: 319-351-0789

Aliens are Real!!

Yes, finally we now they are here. Check out this one found in a Duck's x-ray...



now how can they probe our anuses (or is that "ani"???) when they are hiding in the bowels of ducks?

Wenkan' Update

Quick update on my Brimley-esque antagonist... Scott (a.k.a. Pooter) informed me that he is not Irish, but Welsh, and he is a lawyer. So, even if I had managed to deck him without getting my own ass kicked, I'd probably soon be sitting in a court room figuring out how much I owe him for providing him with the free cigarectomy... A lawyer, hmmm... I wonder if he ever addresses the judge as a Feckin Wenka... hmmm

Feck yew yah fecking wenka! or.......................... A night at George's with Wilford Brimley?

Yes, the politically fiery, but generally mellow BEEz had that opening phrase literally spit in his face by an angry Irishman, and I came very close blows with the old cat. No he was not Wilford Brimley, but I think he sure does look like him. Yes, even a Speedo-clad peace lover like myself can rile the ire of the... uh... Irish (and I love the Irish, unless one is being an asshole).

Well, I assume he is Irish, but it was the first time I'd heard this guy say more than 2 words. He always seemed like a nice enough guy, but I only knew him as the short, barrel-chested, mustachioed dude with a wet cigar hanging off his bottom lip that looked like Wilford Brimley (who I hear is pro cockfighting... he he). In fact, if his portraiture was interpreted as part walrus or part seal (or part sea lion, for that matter), he would look a lot like this:


(no, I didn't paint that one, it was from here... and know, I don't know why someone did this... goo goo g'joob)

Here's the story (from my view). I walk into George's for my once-every-couple-of-weeks break from the wife and home to find some friends and/or a poker game. For some history to the story, the games at George's are social games, with small antes and LOTS of side conversations. In fact, part of playing in this game is having to remind those engaged in conversations (or be reminded by those who aren't) to ante or deal or call or... I've been in many games where I wanted scream out "yo everybody, shut the hell up and play poker" but I wouldn't do this because a) I respect that the game is social first, money/competition second and b) you can run up the coffers pretty quickly when you are one of the few people paying attention to the game. That said, I found such a table of friends and poker and so I and some others that had just arrived pulled up an additional table. I was quickly drawn into a game of hold'em that dominated the tables in the middle of the group.

A few antes into my tenure, the subject of concert venues around the Midwest entered into conversation. Scotty and I had folded our crappy hands and he was inquiring about outdoor arenas in Missouri (my former state). In the midst of our exchange we were interrupted by the pissed off Irish dude.

"Allret, its all gret that yew boys er talkin' bout concerts, but we're here to play poker" (okay, it was more like "pecker", but my spelling of his pronunciations will be variable as to keep the phrases legible... and like everybody, I like an Irish accent, so no disrespect intended)

My reply, "We're both are out of this round, we both folded"

His growingly anxious reply was, "This bleddy game is outta control, nobody knows what's gaing on"

Now, that wasn't true. I knew exactly what was going on and I knew that what was going on was typical. Now, I had not been there long enough to know if this gent was winning or losing, but he was clearly upset (so I suspect the latter). I, on the other hand, thought he was just whining, so I continually let him know that this was the way things work. He got more and more insistent, so I politely told him to f#ck off and I (and Scotty) informed him again as to the normalcy of the situation.

Now, the folks at this table that I do know well regularly tell each other to f#ck off. In fact, a certain dude named Roger regularly calls me (and others) a "F#ck." But several more "f#ck off" answers led to an in-your-face, "Feck yew yah fecking wenka!" complete with copious cigar-saturated slobber being propelled onto my face.

I was now genuinely paying attention to the old fart and I was quite pissed, so I impolitely told him that "If you spit in my f#cking face again, I'll f#cking kill you."

He immediately jumped up from his chair and stuck his chest in my face and said something to the effect of "don't threaten me ya feckin' wenka!"

I stood up to a) remind him that I wasn't going to take his shit and b) remind him that I'm about a foot taller and 100 lbs bigger than he is, hoping that he would sit his dumb ass back in his chair, but he appeared ready to scrap. Now, while I get angry easily, I'm (a lover) not a fighter, but at this moment, I seriously wanted to punch his face so hard that that bespittled cigar would fly out of his ass and land in his beer. Despite this newly-born rage, though, I was relatively calm (on the inside) and was seriously weighing what to do next. Do I pop this guy in the nose? stomach? (a gut punch ends any fight between fat guys really quickly)

But wait... I'm in the midst of thick crowd of my friends and they could get drawn into this, plus, who wants to talk to the cops? (coppers are always called when a bar fight starts up in our town) We're standing face to face (or face to chest, if you will), him saying I threatened him and me reminding him that he spit in my (f#cking) face. But I could tell that he was not going to budge and so I thought to myself, how can I diffuse this?

I could apologize, but I've never been good at apologizing when I feel I haven't done anything wrong (which makes marriage fun, let me tell you). Since he appeared determined to make me back off, which I didn't see as his right, I blurted out "I'm going to go talk to the manager," which was a bit stupid, but when your other option is punching an old man into a bunch of your friends, your mind doesn't always pick the best options.

He replied "Geh talk to the feckin' managa" (I can't recall if he ended it with a "feckin wenka" this time). People were starting to intervene at that point, apologizing for each of us to each of us and such. It then became clear to me that the only way to diffuse this was to leave. We were in between rounds of poker and I had just finished my beer, so I said, "I'll just take off."

Some folks tried to stop me from leaving, but I knew that I couldn't sit back down with this angry dude and go on playing, and I'd already figured out that fighting this old cat was not smart on several levels. First off, the whole police thing... second, he is an old man that tops out at my chest. If I'd beaten him up, I'd have looked like a mean old-man-beating asshole. If he'd beaten me up, I'd have been beaten up... and by an old man that was half my size. So, I just grabbed my money and coat and headed home. Although my heart was racing a little on my way to the car, I was surprisingly at peace with the decision.

It was only later when I started thinking about what had went down. One thought was "I can't believe I let that slobbering old SOB get the better of me" but then I also thought "you know, despite his rudeness, I shouldn't have been so dismissive of his concerns." Perhaps I should've stopped my conversation, or at least not told him to f#ck off. I probably should have garnered support for my cause from the table and let him get pissed at everyone, but that assumes that I would've gotten support. Perhaps I should have punched the old fart and let the chips fall. What do you think? Oh well, ho hum...

"Somebody sends me a blue dress and some DNA, I'll have an investigation"

Yes, that quote is from Porter Goss, who recently "resigned" as head of the CIA. Why is such a dedicated Bush minion leaving office? Well the word is that he pissed everyone in the agency off and basically worked as an arm of the administration, but we know that those could not be the real reasons, not in these sad times. Perhaps it is his link to bribe-related poker parties complete with high-end hookers (and so fittingly at the Watergate Hotel)? Yes, and this is related to Randall "The Duke-inator" Cunningham and may have been going on for 15 years.

Of course, his replacement is on parr with Bush's past record for nominating inept cronies, suspect characters, and/or haters of the organizations for which they are being appointed to head... But even Republicans are complaining that this guy shouldn't be nominated for this position because of his military lineage, but that is likely a ruse. Perhaps it is because this guy was in charge of the illegal wiretapping programs? But should that piss off Republicans? Well, maybe the info from these taps explains why the Republicans have not fought the Whitehouse on anything. This is just conjecture, but while we all are pretty sure that these taps have been used to gather intel on the Democrats and on radicals like me and you, maybe the best way to neuter Congress is to get some good dirt on the guys in your own team. Well, at least this new guy is a constitutional scholar...

Perhaps I'm off base and it is merely a move to consolidate power under National Intel Director John Negroponte (whose wikipedia entry reads more like an indictment than an encyclopedia entry).

All of the links came from Randi Rhodes' newsletter, which always contains some worthy goodies... I recommend signing up.

Ho Hum bum

Been dissin my own blog lately. Expressing outrage at the current political situation is just too easy and there is simply too much to stay on top of... Eventually I'll get back to it.

In the mean time, check out this link giving examples of why Mike Luckovich won the Pulitzer Prize for editorial cartooning...

Agent Fife has had Enough!

Remember that hilarious video of the DEA agent shooting himself in the foot in front of a classroom full of tykes? The poor dude has had enough!!

Fine Republican Morals

Ahhh... the political party that supposedly owns morality comes through again and again. Here is a nice site that predates the undoings of these two high-ranking gents highlighting the many criminals, perverts, and/or hypocrates of the Christian right. This site and this one do much the same, but if you can't get enough, check them out. Before perusing those sites, I hadn't known about the suspicious death in dipshit Joe Scarborough's past.

Join the Lord's Team

As I listened to Bush patronizingly sound out "prop-a-ganda" in this morning's press conference, I realized that I probably need some help to join this team in the fight against global "terrr." I think I need a Jesus Jersey. (be sure to have the sound on).


I'm a little worn down on politics (there is simply too much bad stuff with this administration to stay on top of it), but monkey boy once again affirmed his faith in the utterly incompetent Rumsfeld and was sassy and dismissive when questioned about his inept handling of the war. In fact, he was sounding more like Will Forte's impression than ever before (if you need a sample, click here and scroll down a bit, it took me awhile, but I think Forte does a great Bush). My favorite quote from his bumbling, inept speech today went something like this:

"I think it is an interesting... I find it an interesting, I'm interested... well my position is that it is interesting to have a debate about whether it is good to spread freedom across the world."

I may not have that exactly right, but I will vouch for the level of confusion, and how he tries to hide his (not my) failed actions in Iraq within a false debate (the Republican rightwing penchant for false dichotomies never weakens). Oh well... I'm going to go order a Jesus Jersey.

Still pissed off in Iowa

Okay, this is really old news, but on numerous occasions, friends have brought up the claim that Al Gore said he invented the internet. This was a classic example of detractors making hay out of nothing. If you still buy into this crap, at least go check out snopes' (my favorite urban legend site) take on the validity of this tired criticism. Also, why you read it, think how things might have turned out if the republicans and Scalia had not stolen the election. Would Gore have been a great president? I can't say, but compared to what we have now... Here is an interesting take on President Gore by a libertarian member of the Future of Freedom Foundation (a think tank, I think -- I provide the link for reference, not because I buy their whole message). While on the topic, this guy has a bunch to say about that election.
Oh, and for those of you who say "get over it," I will never get over it. I, and I think, history will look back on this sham as the start of the worse presidency in our lifetimes (ever?). Bush has built a giant, yet inept and cruel, government that is unbelievably in debt. As for Iraq and the mideast, that's another post, and it ain't pretty. Also, I feel for the way Gore was screwed over, and this pic shows how he felt when he found out about all of those Florida voters that were removed from the voting roles by Katherine Harris: (do click on katherine)

O'Reilly is sending Fox Security to get you...

I hate to pay any attention to this blathering schmuck, but this is just too funny. When a caller said the name "Kieth Olbermann" during a call in to his radio show, dipshit went into a tirade in which he implied that "Fox Security" will pay the caller a visit. Listen to the dopey yo yo here. Here is an actual post from the caller. Of course, O'Reilly has a history of saying stupid shit and we all know how he suckers his listeners by framing debates in that special right-wing way:

You can read an interesting conversation about the legal aspects of the issue here and hear Olbermann have fun with Falafel Boy here.

Oh, and just to make sure that the Fox Security boys come knocking at my door, I have to again post a link to the hilarious transcript of that fateful phone call to Andrea Mackris. Read it here and discover how a loofah can become a falafel, and learn what you can do with each. I have to go home to check out this reenactment of the transcript...

Teeny tiny

Some strange place? A computer-generated photo from someone's imagination? No, it is a photo of crystallized vitamin A via microscopy. Check out this one:

Yes, watch out Picasso, you are being rivaled by a picture of phenyl threonine (who isn't?). Go check out tons of groovey works of microscopy here. For a convenient gallery version of this page, go here.

Enough of Dick Cheney's marksmanship...WE HAVE DEV2.0

Yes, frogs fall from the sky, cannibals ravage bloated corpses on the street, the end of the world has arrived. Well... almost. Instead we have DEV2.0. I guess the Devo dudes needed some cash to send their kids to college. Nonetheless, you must hear it to believe it...

DUCK!

I know you know the story, but I wanted to be the first person to refer to our Vice President (and the brother of Satan) as Deadeye Dick (although I doubt I am). At least the owner of the ranch had this reassuring quote about the sport of quail hunting:

"I would shoot with Dick Cheney everywhere, anywhere, and not think twice about it," she said. But she said, "The nature of quail shooting ensures that this will happen. It goes with the turf."

Because he values the constitution...

This quote by Bush was made on April 20, 2004, after the illegal wiretaps that have been in the news lately. Now, if Clinton was caught in this lie, this would be played over and over by the "liberal" media. I guess lying in order to keep your wife from finding out you got an extracurricular BJ is much more important than lying about illegally usurping congress...

Secondly, there are such things as roving wiretaps. Now, by the way, any time you hear the United States government talking about wiretap, it requires — a wiretap requires a court order. Nothing has changed, by the way. When we’re talking about chasing down terrorists, we’re talking about getting a court order before we do so. It’s important for our fellow citizens to understand, when you think Patriot Act, constitutional guarantees are in place when it comes to doing what is necessary to protect our homeland, because we value the Constitution.

For full effect, I suggest you play the clip. In the clip, you get the condescending smirkiness in full...

Zyra...

Has anyone else stumbled upon Zyra? I was too lazy to spin my chair around and grab the CRC to look up the boiling point of mercury, so I googled it. One of the links that came up was to this page about mercury on Zyra. I found my way back to the front page, and realized that one could spend days surfing there...

Year in Review

Matt hipped me to this informative timeline on one of my favorite sites... (while there, check out Kino Korner and the 50 Most Loathsome People)

catch the activist gherkin while you can...

activist gherkin

I feel so much better...

We can all be relieved that the incredible corruption endemic in this administration will come to an end. The remedial ethics courses (ordered by Bush himself) have started! Who did they get to teach this course? A dude named Richard Painter. Nevermind that he comes from the same office that produced the torture memos, but his biggest claim to ethics fame was determining that there was no conflict of interest involved in the famous Cheney/Scalia duck hunt... I'm guessing that after a few of these classes, everyone will fire themselves. Oh, and here is a pic taken of the blackboard during one class, and an actual snippet of Karl Rove's notes...