Okay, enough of politics. I want to talk about a conspiracy. For the last few weeks, every time I go into a public restroom and have to go into a stall (which is rare, as I don’t relish this, but sometimes the urinals are all full) some freak has left a floater in the toilet. Is this someone’s idea of a joke? HA HA! Thanks for making me gag more than a cat with a hairball. Okay, stop reading if you’re squeamish, but I have to relate the most frightening chapter in the tale of horror. I go into the Old Capitol Mall to take a quick leak. Both urinals are taped over with an “Out of Order” sign. I open the door on the one stall and as I look down, I feel a rush of air leave my body as I involuntarily shriek “OH MY GOD! In the toilet, or mostly in, is a turd the size of my forearm. And for effect, there is blood on the tip. You think your being punished hearing this? Think of having this image of horror forever burned in your visual memory. What if I had walked in a little earlier? Would I have heard screams of pain? Would I have seen two sets of feet in there and heard “breathe, your doing good, I think it’s coming”? At least in this case, I understood why the toilet wasn’t flushed. Anyway, if you’re part of the Secret Floater Society, please find a new victim and for Christ’s sake, flush. And if you’re afraid to flush, consider cutting back on your cheese intake…
2 comments:
My wife was appalled when I told her about the conditions of toilets in men's restrooms. She said the reason the women do not have to deal with this is because they will not. They would not tolerate less restrooms than men, stalls without doors, the fountain trenches, etc. Personally, I think all restrooms should be private. There are too many freaks. Anyway, we men need to speak up or we will never have restrooms as nice as women.
The problem with a lot of men's restrooms (say, located in bars) is the fact that sometimes y'all miss. The result? The restroom smells like piss. Period. Therefore, men will never have restrooms as nice as womens'. I hate to make blanket statements, but I think overall we're a neater lot. (YES, there are exceptions!)
Brian, as for the forearm feces... all I can say is
...wow.
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